i dont know what's wrong with me.it now seems as though the only ones that i'm not disappointed with are those who arent close to me.perhaps i just expect to much from you`i dont know why.at least, i feel that way.i feel so cheated by those who always gives me hope, but in the end fail me.so if you know you wont last, dont get close to me.really.i just prefer to have 1 best friend in the whole world.than to have many fair-weathered friend.but whether that `best friend` will last or not, no one knows.the closest` seems so far away now.sigh-getting in the depressed mood once again.and apparently, there's no one to turn to.i really feel like shit now.i'm just disappointed with myself.dad and mum reprimanded me in the car, again.it's like a daily routine. and it's not some normal scolding.it's me. attitude problem. no freaking manners. rude. you name it, i have it.everyday, i repeat, i hear it from them.secondly,term 3. has been an eventful term.firstly it was when i started golfing intensively.therefore, i neglected my studies.and i'm really disappointed.didnt put it any effort into my studies at all, despite mum's constant nagging.it just passed through the other ear each time.why?-shrugs.someone answer me.why is it only when you've done wrong,to realise it's a mistake,rather than trying not to commit the mistake in the first place?same goes to relationships/friendships.say you read your friend's blog, only to find out she's depressed,then only you look her up to ask.why is it that the only thing constant in the world is change.why? somethings, some people i just dont wanna let go off, i dont wanna forget.i want my closest ones to remain by me forever. i want them all. who wouldnt?but who would give them to you? sometimes i really find life so stressful. so meaningless. so mundane.i wish i would sleep one night and never wake up again. i wish-who's there to share my burden?sometimes i really find those around me very ignorant and insensitive towards me,and it hurts me deep inside.so many things have been said to me. those that i seemed to have ignored, i actually take them in my heart. simple comments could hurt me. but i have this hardened facade. with a melting heart. just like the mantle and the core.on the outside i'm taking all the nonsense, deep inside i'm struggling.what does life come down to?i guess.. on earth we should try our very best, to serve God in whatever ways we can while we're still on earth, do only the things that pleases Him, so that we can inherit His kingdom when we meet Him. the creator.the waythe Onei want to start anewno more shit.get my homework donebe a good studenta good child of Goda better daughtera good frienda good golfer.so many things in my life has not gone my waycos His ways are higher than ours,as wide as the heavens are.so many things to worry about,so many problems.i dont wanna face them aloneGod, be there for me, i pray.
and that's the story of the heart; at
9:49 PM
i dont know what's wrong with me.it now seems as though the only ones that i'm not disappointed with are those who arent close to me.perhaps i just expect to much from you`i dont know why.at least, i feel that way.i feel so cheated by those who always gives me hope, but in the end fail me.so if you know you wont last, dont get close to me.really.i just prefer to have 1 best friend in the whole world.than to have many fair-weathered friend.but whether that `best friend` will last or not, no one knows.the closest` seems so far away now.sigh-getting in the depressed mood once again.and apparently, there's no one to turn to.i really feel like shit now.i'm just disappointed with myself.dad and mum reprimanded me in the car, again.it's like a daily routine. and it's not some normal scolding.it's me. attitude problem. no freaking manners. rude. you name it, i have it.everyday, i repeat, i hear it from them.secondly,term 3. has been an eventful term.firstly it was when i started golfing intensively.therefore, i neglected my studies.and i'm really disappointed.didnt put it any effort into my studies at all, despite mum's constant nagging.it just passed through the other ear each time.why?-shrugs.someone answer me.why is it only when you've done wrong,to realise it's a mistake,rather than trying not to commit the mistake in the first place?same goes to relationships/friendships.say you read your friend's blog, only to find out she's depressed,then only you look her up to ask.why is it that the only thing constant in the world is change.why? somethings, some people i just dont wanna let go off, i dont wanna forget.i want my closest ones to remain by me forever. i want them all. who wouldnt?but who would give them to you? sometimes i really find life so stressful. so meaningless. so mundane.i wish i would sleep one night and never wake up again. i wish-who's there to share my burden?sometimes i really find those around me very ignorant and insensitive towards me,and it hurts me deep inside.so many things have been said to me. those that i seemed to have ignored, i actually take them in my heart. simple comments could hurt me. but i have this hardened facade. with a melting heart. just like the mantle and the core.on the outside i'm taking all the nonsense, deep inside i'm struggling.what does life come down to?i guess.. on earth we should try our very best, to serve God in whatever ways we can while we're still on earth, do only the things that pleases Him, so that we can inherit His kingdom when we meet Him. the creator.the waythe Onei want to start anewno more shit.get my homework donebe a good studenta good child of Goda better daughtera good frienda good golfer.so many things in my life has not gone my waycos His ways are higher than ours,as wide as the heavens are.so many things to worry about,so many problems.i dont wanna face them aloneGod, be there for me, i pray.
and the story ends like this; at
9:49 PM
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